Grumpy-Man Lives! How Do I Stay Married?

Grumpy-Man Lives!  How Do I Stay Married?   Recently, I received this email and I’ve included the whole text as I think it may resonate with some of you …. “I feel like the law of attraction has been working for me slowly but surely, as far as parking spots, etc and even financially which prior to listening to your podcasts had been a very difficult area for me to believe I could affect in any way. Now however is the true challenge… When you said to think about what I would really want, one of those things would be to stay married to my husband and be a family with our two children, yet to have him be much more of what I would want him to be (motivated, affectionate, passionate, relaxed, considerate, etc)… yet, I have SUCH a hard time imagining that any of these character traits (which of course were present 10 yrs ago) will EVER be any different, that whenever I try to think and feel that my relationship is what I would like it to be, it then takes me to feeling how I want to feel in a relationship but with somebody else (nobody else in particular, I have never cheated nor have any prospects or flirting going on of any sort). However when I regroup and think about what I REALLY want in life, it is definitely to remain married to him but to be much HAPPIER together (he is really a good man with many wonderful qualities – many of which are buried in his newfound general grumpyness), however I find myself even just spending more time physically away from him in order to keep myself in a more positive (higher vibrational) mind state. I feel like I’m in a CATCH 22 position with no right answer!! I have been really trying to look within and see what I can do to make things better (I’m no saint), but all I think of involves just avoiding him – which actually seems to make him happy. He refuses to see a therapist so please don’t suggest that. Thanks” Here’s my thoughts around this, sometimes we get into a rut in the way we think and act and it feels truly like there is no way out.  This goes for both you and your husband.   I also know that sometimes the things I suggest sound like gobbledy-gook and it’s not even conceivable.  I totally get that because I’ve been in the same place. When we think the way we’ve always thought – it take time for new information to set in. The first thing I want to offer around this is for you to keep asking this question…. What would it take for this to be easy?  What would it take for me to get this? Then, of course, kick back and see what shows up. Next, we want to connect you with your awareness. Ask yourself ‘Truth, does my husband have the capacity to become happier in this relationship?  Which feels lighter in my body – Yes or No?” If it’s Yes – keep going into that feeling state of imagining him happy – then keep asking questions (that you don’t try to figure out) like ‘What would it take for this to shift?’  Again, see what bubbles up and follow the energy on what does come up.  DON’T think about it, analyze it and try to figure out what you’re doing right or wrong!! Ask – see what bubbles up and take action on what feels light. Ask for this to be easy. What is possible from this is this, as you change your energy and conclusions about your husband, it may subconsciously open the way for him to find happiness and a lighter demeanor.  Our energy of expectation (and sometimes fear) can absolutely lock another persons behaviours into place. If the answer was ‘No’. Then keep asking for guidance or for the Universe to show you what’s next.  Follow that energy. I also know that a ‘No’ in this case can be scary. However, it’s way better to connect with your awareness about what is as opposed to what you would like.  Yes, I am all about creating our own reality but when other people are directly involved – they may not be prepared to make the same choices you are.  That’s where the crunch comes because if you want to be in a happy and loving relationship and your husband can’t see his way to that – you’re hooped if your conclusion is that this has to work. It’s kind of like the Dad (Chevy Chase) in the Vacation movies, when he demands that they are all going to have a really good time when everyone is upset and cranky as hell.  Doesn’t work. It’s the same thing when we close off our awareness and demand that ‘this relationship is going work and be happy and loving’ when both of you aren’t on the same page.  What if your husband is playing out what he thinks being a husband and a father means at this stage of life?  What if he’s replaying his parents relationship?  And, if he’s not willing to look at this or consider changing it – you have some choices to make. One last question from me – does he know you’re unhappy?  Have you told him clearly and directly?  I often find that this is a missing link in relationships.  If your communication isn’t clear (and I know personally that direct communication can be the scariest thing of all but also the most liberating skill to acquire!) it will be hard for you to resolve this.  If you haven’t had that discussion, I would also suggest that and then ask questions with him about what he’d like to do together about this. Of course, this is a complex situation and I’ve made a couple of suggestions that can take you to the next step.  This week I’ll be taking questions about Relationships in the Essentials Live Q&A and I invite anyone who wants to discuss this further to come and join me and the rest of the members with a Free Trial at Attract More Now .  (you can be anonymous during the calls!) It’s all a choice and you’re in command. Remember that!! I know you can do it!! Best of everything to you, !

Shift | Shine | Grow

This entry was posted in Attraction Principles, Relationships. Bookmark the permalink.

Comments are closed.