I Thought I was Strong

I Thought I was Strong I stayed too long. In my first marriage, that is. I thought things would change. They didn’t. I thought I was strong. I actually had poor self-esteem and told myself I was strong to put up with the crap. I believed in the potential of this relationship. I mean, how could you love someone so much and it be so wrong?  That couldn’t possibly be. I thought we were meant for each other. Nope, again…wrong!  Yes, we first caught each other’s eye in Grade 7 and then again in Grade 12 – it must be meant to be. Not so much. Maybe there was something wrong with me. Look, the person that was supposed to love me the most found fault in me.  The person that knew me best spoke down to me.  There must be something wrong with me. Oh yeah, don’t even get me started now….totally not the truth. Yet I tried to make it work. I thought that this person couldn’t keep coming around in my life for it not to be the right match.  It must be meant to be! Note to self: Stop reading romance novels!  And, get over the ‘meant to be’ crap.  I did both and my life changed. Why am I talking about this now?

Because I see people who are in awful relationships.

Because I see people pine for a relationship that was never good for them. 

Because I see young people choosing so poorly in a desperate need to feel  accepted.

Because I see people go into the wrongness of who they are instead of the  wrongness of what the relationship was.

Because I often hear people speak disrespectfully to each other.

Because I see little children soaking it all up and we know how that’ll turn out.

Because I hear people making excuses for the bad behavior of their loved one.

Because I see people wasting their life away on someone that never deserved them

But mostly….  Because I see people not understanding that they have a choice to choose something better for themselves.

Now I seem to have a talent to be able to see right through those relationship rotters. (definition of rotter – British slang:  A scoundrel. )  It’s actually a talent I’ve virtually always had with others but not so much with myself when I was younger.  I believe I nailed it with all my friends (and neighbours) – hands down.  Knew which ones would work and knew which ones wouldn’t. Wouldn’t that be a great business? I could show up on your second or third date with the one in question and give a thumbs up or thumbs down.  That could be fun.  However, it would be better if the one that was dating could do it themselves.  My drive is to elevate your awareness in all areas so that you can know what you know and act on it! 😉 So, here’s a few things I would recommend to start:

  1. Stop believing there is something wrong with you. You just haven’t met the right person yet.  I know this is easy for me to say but unless you’ve gotten feedback from your friends and lovers about some supreme fault you have…I can pretty much bet there is nothing wrong with you.
  2. Start remembering YOU can choose – you don’t have to be chosen. Somehow the awfulness of getting picked last or almost last in team sports seems to translate into romance.  We somehow learn that we must wait to be chosen rather than understand that we are always in a place of choice.  We just may have never learned that.  YOU can choose who is good enough for you and if it matches that you’re good enough for that other person – you are off to a splendid start.
  3. Pay attention to red flags. Please look back at your relationships that didn’t (or aren’t) working.  There were red flags, an awareness, that you decided not to pay attention to.  The great news is that if you can come clean with yourself and realize that the red flags were there  – you can decide to pay attention to them in the future.  A red flag could be that they make a commitment that they don’t follow through on.  One time…okay.   Two times…red flag and discussion.  Three times…you’re OUT!!
  4. Learn to create boundaries. Will you now sit down and write out what is acceptable to you and not acceptable to you in a relationship and start enforcing it.  If you can’t see it in your past relationships, look at what your friends are doing (or not doing) in their relationships and create a map from that.   A boundary could be that you won’t allow the other person to talk down to you or not follow through on commitments.

That’s a start, this is really the framework to begin with and if you would like more help with this – consider my Project 90: Round Four coaching intensive program.  I have worked with A LOT of individuals to set boundaries, gain confidence and create new communication skills that changes EVERYTHING in their life. You are far more powerful than you know – let’s reveal that in a smarter, faster way!  Woohoooo!!! We can also deal with this in the Essentials program – as a member, you can send in an anonymous question to the Q&A that I can answer during our next Relationship or General Attraction call. Best of everything to you,

Shift | Shine | Grow

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